CONFIDENTIAL

Pr�sne tajn�

bylo doned�vna v�e, co se t�kalo m�ho sebe vn�m�n�. T�m doned�vna mysl�m dobu, kterou si pamatujete jako ,,jej� kostnat� j�'' . Nep�u tento post prvopl�nove, abyste automaticky psali lichotky a motivacn� slohy. P�u ho proto, �e l�to konc�, od m�ho rebootu na Karol 2.0 je to presne rok a vy si zaslou��te vedet, jak den�k ex-anorekticky pokracuje d�le. Pokud v�s takov� t�ma nebav�, douf�m, �e jste si u�ili alespon fotky. 

Prvne, ,,dietov�n�'' v�s neskutecne psychicky ovlivn�. Co oprav�te na tele, nezalep�te na du�i. Proto si nemalujte ru�ove ��dn� happy end. 

Anorexie toti� nen� jen o tele, je to hlavne o tom, �e se clovek nec�t� dobre s�m sebou. A to je probl�m. 

Abychom prede�li cl�nku, kter� by vydal za kni�n� trilogii, preskoc�me k tomu, jak se c�t�m po tom v�em pr�ve ted. 

To, �e m� nekdo blog, na kter� se neost�ch� ve�et vesel� fotky v sukn�ch, neznamen�, �e se c�t� sebevedome. Ka�d� focen� toti� prob�h� stejne. Tady je prepis m�ch pr�prav: 

F�ze 1. Outfit

,,Dnes si vezmu tohle, ta kombinace se prijde skvel�. Jo, jen�e na Chiare ta sukne vypad� l�pe, proto�e m� del�� nohy a ten svetr na Camille proto�e m� vyt�hl� torzo a ploch� hrudn�k. Ka�lu na to, to pujde''

F�ze 2. Make-up a vlasy

,,No jak to bylo v tom editorialu ,,how to nail your eyebrows, tam to bylo tak jednoduch� a j� vypad�m jak Bre�nev s prsama. No, nen� cas, popojedeme. Mus�m si natocit vlasy. Hergot, nikdy nebudu m�t objem jako Kenza s Angelicou. A ta blond byl taky mo�n� prestrel, je to a� moc n�padn�. Ale me se to tak l�b� ... 

F�ze 3. Cesta na focen�

,,Par�da, ta modrina jde por�d videt a tricko se mi v tramvaji stihlo zmuchlat. To nezamaskuju.''

F�ze 4. Focen�

,,U� se to mus� odfotit. I kdy� zase obtoc�m 3 star� p�zy, ve kter�ch se fakt c�t�m.''

F�ze 5. �prava fotek

,,150 fotek, vybr�no 30. Darilo se. Jindy je to 20. ''

A takto je to v�dycky. Sebevedom�, at to vypad� jakkoliv, nem�m rozhodne vysok�. Jedno v�m ale reknu. Nechci a nemu�u b�t druh� Kenza ani Chiara. Nikdo nem� r�d nic� kopie a u� vubec ne j�. I kdy� budu pred dal��m focen�m stejne nerv�zn�, budu v hloubi du�e vedet, �e budu s v�sledkem spokojen�. Sama za sebe. A douf�m, �e stejne spokojen� jste a budete i vy. J� toti� nechci j�t ve �l�pej�ch nekoho jin�ho jen proto, abych se zal�bila �ir��mu spektru web publika. Ve v�sledku je toti� ka�d� blogerka, modelka i herecka obycejn� �ensk�, kter� chce b�t �tastn�, najeden� a zamilovan�. 

P.S. nesrovn�nejte se. Instagramy a dal�� gramy k tomu nen�padne vedou, ale k cemu v�m to bude? Kdy� je clovek s�m se sebou nikdy mu �ivot neutece smutne mezi prsty. Nesna�te se dohonit neco, co dohonit nelze

*Confidential 

was until recently almost everything about me and my confident. Until recetly must be the time you remember as ,,her bony herself'' . There is nothing urging about this post, I don't need you writing me how beautiful I am right now or any other motivation quotes. But as my readers you deserve to know how I feel after one year since I've started the Carol 2.0 reboot. If you don't like reading about this, hopefully you at least enjoyed the pictures.

So, take off the pink glasses because there is no happy end in this story. Not now. What you need to know about anorexia is one thing only - its not about body that much it's about girls who don't feel comfortable in themselves. So its more about soul. And no matter how I fixed my figure, there is a huge pain in my soul. 

Well because obviously this would be a book trilogy long kind of post let me cut it. 

If you have a blog, it simply doesn't mean you are confident enough. You can smile, you can pose but deep down you can feel very shaky. 

This is my everyday story:



Fase 1. Outfit 

,,I'm definitely going to wear this, i love it. Its vibrant, cool and so me. But this skirt was so much better on Chiara and that jumper suits Camille's skinny body more. Gosh, what now. Dammit, love it anyway and have no time for changing''



Fase 2. Beauty 

,,How it works in that cool eyebrow editorial. Why it's not working for me. Looking like freaking burnt sausages. Plus have to curl my hair for sure, want Angelica's volume or Kenza's, doesnt really matter. Gosh, no volume for me. 5 minutes to go. Oh lord.''



Fase 3. Traveling 

,,No, no, NO. Is this a bruise? And my t-shirt is wrinkle, thanks again tram. Ok, I can work shit out''



Fase 4. Shooting 

,,How to look today, confident, sexy, shy? Lets just look like everytime, I feel good like that. No more changes. 



Fase 5. Editing 

,,150 pictures, 30 chosen. Good day, normally its like 20. Don't worry, be happy.''



And then, it's all over again. It's me, it's going to be me for a while but I don't mind. It's my healing process. No matter how I desire to look like Kenza or Angelica, let me tell you something. I can't. And its ok. I don't want to be like anyone else and follow their lead just to reach more readers. It simply doesn't work this way. Even my confident is not healthy and I don't like my hair, face or body sometimes I am a happy girl most of a time. And you should be too.

Instagram and many other grams are showing us goddess. We naturally want to follow them. But you can lose your life on this way because you can't hunt something what can't be hunted. At the end of a day, every model, blogger or actress is just a woman who wants to be happy wearing her pyjama, with bigger or smaller boobs, surrouded by their loved ones and eating pizza time to time. This is the life we should be living.

What I'm wearing 

MANGO jumper ; ASOS skirt ; TAMARIS shoes ; ZARA bag

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