WHY

Proto�e pr�behu ze �ivota nen� nikdy dost 

V�ichni vern� cten�r� v�, �e jsem byla �kared� ,,hranicn�'' anorekticka. V�ichni taky v�me, �e jsem z toho nejhor��ho venku. Co ale nev�te, je duvod. 

Proto�e i tato c�st, by vydala minim�lne na jednu celou kapitolu, podel�m se s v�mi o krat�� a m�ne sentiment�ln� verzi. A to i presto, �e jsem moment�lne sentiment�lne sp�e preladen�.

Jak u� to tak b�v�, anorekticky nikoho neposlouchaj�, at to chceme ci nechceme priznat, jsme nejchytrej�� a vlastne n�m nic nen�. Jen ostatn� z�vid�. Pr�tel�, rodina, nejbli��� - jejich slova nemaj� v�hu. A my jen kopeme kolem sebe.

J� nebyla jin�. A� ztr�ta milovan� osoby me donutila zamyslet se nad t�m, jak nakl�d�m s vlastn�m zdrav�m a t�m p�dem i se �ivotem. Fakt, �e m�m neco, ceho si nev��m je bezohledn�. Tehdy politov�n�hodn�, proto�e jsem si to neuvedomovala. 

Nicm�ne co se m� st�t, stane se a j� razantne zmenila n�zor. Ze dne na den, sama, bez pomoci, bez doktoru. 

Abyste si to nemalovali ru�ove, nebyla to sranda. Pre�rat se bylo na denn�m por�dku, pl�c z nabyt�ch kil tak� nechybel. Proste klasika, kterou zn�te z ucebnice. 

Jak jsem na tom ted? 

Cvic�m, ale ne moc, abych do toho nespadla znovu. J�m sladk�, ale s m�rou, proto�e moje telo si po �oku uchov�v� tuk pro pr�pad, �e by se to opakovalo. J�m zdrave proto, �e u� chci sv� telo jen h�ckat. Pizzu, burger a dort si d�m proto, abych pohladila nervy a du�i. Abych se odmenila za ten kus cesty, kter� jsem u�la. 

Ani to ale nen� tak ru�ov�. Kus cesty zamnou, kus predemnou. 

Anorexie apod. nen� jen o kostech, such�ch vlasech a podr�denosti. Je to o tom, �e telo odnauc�te to, co je norm�ln�. A dostat se k norm�lu zpet trv� 2x d�le. M�te probl�my s j�dlem, se za��v�n�m, s psychikou. A xkr�t se samozrejme pristihnete u toho, jak nej�te po 9. vecer orechy proto, �e hrst obsahuje tolik tuku, kolik jste j�dali za 2 dvy dny. Po obede si ned�te dort, kter� m� tolik kalori�, kolik jste pr�ve vycvicili na zumbe. 

Proto v�m znovu rad�m. Va�te si sv�ho tela za to, jak� je. Proto�e pokud ho po�kod�te jednou, vr�t� se v�m to. Na dlouho. Telo m� toti� nane�test� slon� pamet.

*Cause there is no enough life story 

All of my faithful readers know about my ,,almost'' anorexia period. We all know I'm out. But you don't know the reason. 

It's one of these stories which take forever to talk about so I give you a shorter and less sentimental version. Even though I'm really sentimental today. 

Anyway, every anorexic knows the best she is not sick. Friends, family, they all don't know anything about being beautiful. Yes, this is how I felt. Nothing matters. You are just too offensive to admit you have a real problem. 

I wasn't different. I ignored everyone even someone I loved real deep. Then loss of him made me realize what's going on. You only have one life and one health and you should think of this everyday. Cause waste your health if you have it it's mean or regrettable if you are me and don't realize you have a problem and you gamble your life. 

It happened overnight. I've changed my attitude without doctors, advice or anyone/anything else. I knew I have to do it alone. 

But don't think it was easy. It wasn't. 

I cried a lot, I hated myself for eating candies, cakes and burgers. Just the things you all have read about. 

What am I doing now?

I workout - nicely but not too often so I fail again. I eat candies time to time but eat mainly healthy - not to be skinny but to be healthy. To treat my body well. I eat cake to reward myself for being a strong girl. 

Sounds nice but it's not over. I still need to change a lot. I still have remorse after eating nuts in the evening cause I know how many grams of fat are in it. Or I think I'm stupid when eat a piece of cake cause that cake contains as many calories as I just burnt on Zumba dancing. Seriously not easy at all. Thanks to my stupid experiment I have a major digestion and mental problems. 

You need to keep thinking of your body cause it has a long memory. Once you do something bad it will remember everything. And it will take forever to fix it all. So love your body the way it is.